Contemplations

I thought that suddenly my life would come together in one huge climatic event. Funny how God has different ideas. I thought that I would have so much to blog about from the last 6 months yet words allude me. It was a journey of journeys. It was the end of a beginning and a beginning to the rest of my life. God taught me so many things and I'm a wiser person because of it. Never have I shed so many tears in my life and even now tears come so easily. I was finding myself in the wrong way and in the wrong places. God defines me. Work, friends, church doesn't. Pride is an easy throne to sit on and the hardest to come off of. God will show His hand but only in His time no matter what we do. Life will change but Christ is ever present and the same, forever.

Below is a "snapshot" of a moment from the past 6 months:

Tear drops fall, splattering little marks on her pants. Chest heaving in sobs she cries in anguish. In complete desperation.

Don’t give up.
You are LOVED.

She falls on her knees, hands rubbing down her face. Whipping away the water rolling down her cheeks.

I LOVE you.
You are my daughter.

Audibly she talks aloud looking up towards the ceiling. Emotion wrapped around every word; anger, doubt, longing, desperation.

Come to Me.
My arms are open.

-----------------------

Also my pastor was a huge help in giving me encouragement and letting me cry...well I cried almost every time we spoke. Talk about crying on a drop of hat!

(7:11 PM) Pastor:

how about quit praying for the situation, and pray for intimacy?

(7:13 PM)

the screaming and running around means you have taken back control over your situation. Re-surrender is a gift the Holy Spirit gives us.....VERBALLY yell it out...I surrender control to you God, I will trust you with the OUTCOME of all this. Now God, with that said, let's get to know one another...what are you saying to my heart RIGHT NOW..."

(7:14 PM)

(when the stress hits again...you can yell out....WHOA! Wait a min emotions, I've surrendered that, back off. Quit messin' with my head. Father, address the emotional response, because I can't....now Father, back to what you are trying to say to me...

(7:16 PM) graceguycanada@yahoo.com:

here is what he will tell you Michelle, ..."I LOVE YOU, NOW...RECEIVE MY GENTLE LOVE, I WILL WORK IT OUT, GENTLY TAKE YOUR EYES OFF OF THE SITUATION AND PUT THEM ON ME, LOOK IN MY EYES, I LOVE YOU AND I ONLY HAVE THE BEST IN MIND FOR YOU, YOU ARE MINE, AND I WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU....FOREVER!

That chapter on my life is closed. Nothing lost, much has been gained.