1. Life = risk
2. If you have not failed, you have not lived
Just two points from a sermon that hit me like a 2 by 4 to the back of my head.
I've always been a low risk person - I don't like getting out of my comfort zone, I have a hard time doing something I've never done before, etc. Risk to me is letting myself be vulnerable and setting myself up for failure. Which brings me to the second point - failure.
I despite messing things up, or failing to do something correctly or at all - it really bothers me because I should have done better and it's unacceptable in my books. I've worked hard in my life to stay "fail" free and when I do fail, I kick myself. Why? Hearing Pastor Mike utter "if you have not failed, you have not lived" hit me hard. I've been trying so hard to always be in control of my actions and I shouldn't be! No one is perfect, how did I expect myself to never mess up? Failing is human nature I just need to accept it.
Thinking about risk has me thinking me about my current life. Have I settled too much?
Currently I am living with 2 of my sisters, working full-time for the past 2 years, volunteering in church as young adults co-ordinator and praise team vocalist. I have a bunch of friends in town/church I hang out with often, friends back home I visit when I can, friends who come visit me from time to time. I have a great job and my coworkers are like family to me. There are ladies at church who have become like grandmothers to me. I go to the gym 3 times a week plus personal training, I watch my favourite tv shows when I can. Is that my life will be about? Will it always be so routine? Have I failed to take risks? Am I afraid to take risks in the future? Or will I be content with living my life just the way I am now? I know God is in control of my life but sometimes I wonder if I miss His leading because I'm scared that if I let go I'll end up doing something I'm not comfortable doing.
"..promise to do something extreme. Something that challenges your life, gets you out of your rut.." (quote from "What a Girl Wants" - Kristin Billerbeck)
I'm so young still, I should be living on the edge more before I become too settled or older. There's a guy at the bbq I was at on the weekend that is going through this right now. He has an opportunity to go across the country to work but is torn b/c he feels that maybe at the age of 26 he should be settling down and getting a real job. My few points to him was that "real" work is slightly over rated and he should do what he enjoys instead of doing what society is telling him (or parental/family pressure). I didn't tell him but I'm almost envious of his freedom.
I'm learning, learning to let go and trust God with my worries/concerns and sometimes heavy heart. Knowing that Christ livesin me gives me hope that I have a purpose in life regardless if I see it or not.