A couple nights ago I attended my first ever church meeting as an Elder. What a great meeting! It had to be one of the only meetings I've gone to where I didn't get the urge to roll my eyes back and daydream :P I'm a little anxious with all the new responsibilities and things I must learn as an Elder (and also newly appointed Secretary of the Leadership Team) but at the same time I'm looking forward to absorbing new information and growing.

Speaking of growing - I was really encouraged at the meeting when one of the other Elders interjected for a moment to comment about how much I've changed since him and his wife met me. He was amazed at how much I've changed in the past two years. How do you respond to that? A humble 'thank you'?

Over the last while I've trying accept that I have changed. I know that sounds odd but a couple years ago I had no hope for myself - no aspirations, dreams or goals. I was stuck. Now, not so much. There has not been a pivotal moment where things suddenly changed but a ton of small events. Such as: attending Hope, living with 4 random people for a summer, building new relationships, job promotion (being encouraged which has given me confidence), overcoming fears, personal training at the gym, buying a car and just stepping out of my comfort zone. The hidden confident me is finally peeking out of it's shell.

I have a lot of people and things to be thankful for because I wouldn't be where I am without them/it. And I hope never do forget how far I've become as a person - spiritual and personalitywise.

There are many things I have yet to conquer, things to try and some fears to be eradicated but for now I'm happy with who I am becoming!

I leave you with lyrics from a fav band I was listening to on the way to work:

"Though everything’s the same inside
There’s something real
A faith which causes me to change
(But what’s different now)
A spark is gleaming in my eye
Like diamond stars that fill the sky
I think a smile says it all
A smile says it all
"
(Smile - Kutless)

in the valley

I've been in a very pecular mood this week and it's annoying the heck out of me. Long gone is the happiness I had a week ago...the contentment with blessings has so quickly disappeared. Maybe my mind is mad at me for letting it leave the warm tropics of florida? And I'm so tired! Workouts used to perk me up at night but lately I'd rather nap than workout. I have no motivation to do anything at night - even talk to friends! Crawling into a hole and sleeping for the rest of the week has great appeal to me right now.

I had a discussion with a lady at church about blessings. Well more and less that when we are blessed we are afraid to be too happy 'cause heaven forbid something bad happen. And lately with my recent trip to Florida, buying a car and my semi-recent job promotion I wasn't allowing myself to get excited about it all because I knew it wouldn't last. How sad! What joy I should be celebrating! Blessings are a gift, I can't throw it back.

I hope this is only a phase I'm going thru and it is over soon - I want my spark for life back.

Newer Posts Older Posts Home