"Why do I fail to see God's hand in this? Why do I feel like I'm in a pit and can't seem to even try climbing out?"
I contacted my pastor tonight in request of finding me a counselor. I need someone to talk to and get a grip on my life. I'm so confused, hurt and frustrated right now that it's affecting my being. I cry pretty much daily. I cry out to God constantly yet my heart is heavy and my head hung low.
I need to move on and I can't without some guidance.
This has been probably one of the most difficult times in my life so far. May I come out of this an even more spiritually shaped person.
I stumbled across this video on a friend's facebook page. I needed to hear these lyrics at that moment and definitely felt the need to share:
I'm not hanging on very well.
I cry almost everyday.
Tears of anguish and anger.
I thought I heard God telling me that today things would change and it seems I was very wrong. Nothing has changed and I have to go back to a really crappy temp job (to put it nicely.)
Is it so wrong to just ask for a job?!? I'm losing faith in God's provision. 8 WEEKS! I'm tired of being home all the time, I'm tired of being so emotional and upset with myself for still being at home.
What else is there for me to do? I'm not getting interviews and I don't want to take on any more temp jobs.
Why can I love God so much but I feel so alone? Why do I think I hear His voice but it is my own? I got through this weekend banking on what I thought was going to happen and now I'm sorely disappointed.
I want stability back! I feel like I can't get anything done because my entire life is off balance. I have so many things I need to do once I have a stable income. I can't even maintain my car or keep a stock of groceries in the house.
I'm tired of this being my entire life and that's all I have to talk about. I'm a drag! I'm depressed and don't want to talk about it anymore.
Where do I go from here? Live off EI for half a year? I apply for jobs but the only calls I get are from temp agencies. I know things could be worse but for me this is my "worse". I'm jobless, single and depressed. Great stuff!
What's it going to take for me to become employed? How many times to I have to pray? How many times to I have to cry in anguish? How many nights do I have to struggle with sleep?
I'M DONE. I've given up.