Contemplations

Have you ever looked at picture and felt like you don't belong or never belonged? This afternoon I was persuing a website with a bunch of pictures from a group I used to hang out with/attend events. Looking now it just hit me again - I never fit into this group of people! I was never myself and I was constantly not being myself because of others around me.

I have such a judgemental attitude towards that group of people - which is horrible! But I guess my reasoning is that I've grown up, I've discovered God in a whole new way that made me realize that I wasn't living a victorious life with Christ and I know a lot of them haven't truly found Him (not that I'm judging their character just that I grew up in the same way, with the same knowlege of faith and I know now how much I was missing). It's so hard! I want to love every single one of these young adults and know that I was generally accepted when I did attend events (who am I kidding? I hardly ever had a good time, no one liked me very much). It's so odd looking back and trying to remember why I did the things I did and why I didn't stick up for myself more often.

I guess I'm also dealing with the fact the YA is no longer part of my life - I am no longer a CRC member. Kind of weird thinking about - closing a chapter in my life and seeing how much things have changed.