Contemplations

Perspective is a funny thing.
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In the art of language:

I always speak too fast and the other day I was reminded again that it’s still an issue.

I want to be mad. I want to think that I’ve made progress in the last year. It’s a speech issue that is going and is so hard to break! To me, I seem to talk fine and my brain processes what I say so why can't anyone else?

I did some research today and came across this paragraph:

“Many people with social anxiety are so anxious and wound up when we have to speak to someone or talk on the phone that we end up talking way too fast. Then, that faster speech just feeds back and can lead to more anxious thoughts and feelings and of course the cycle continues. It is also very hard to communicate with others when you speak so fast.” http://www.anxiousliving.com/2006/06/29/slow-talk/#more-53

I wouldn't say that currently I suffer from social anxiety but it makes sense to why I have become a speed talker. Growing up I was so insecure, quiet and when I spoke it was fast because if I didn't say it fast, no one heard me (or so I thought). And now, I'm more confident but still struggle with the mumbling talking fast thing. When I get comfortable around people I know I forget that my jaw moves a mile a minute...

I need help to break this habit but it's going to take a long time and lots of patience.
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The emotional side:

"well, the most I've seen is you get upset, but mask it well, i've never seen anything besides michelle's unbreakable calm veneer"

Wow. Um. Holy crap? But how true that is.


Perspective of yourself from other people is humbling to say the least. It makes me realize that I'm not exactly who I think I am. I can't believe I hide things so well when sometimes I'm hurting something fierce inside. Walls? Yup, I got those and for a reason. Slowly I'm removing a brick at a time.

Thank God for blessing me with people in my life patient enough to teach me about myself.