Contemplations

Fantastic article this morning on Relevantmagazine.com. I think is maybe some what of a "God"incidence as my little sis and I were just talking about this last night - dreaming.

I’m starting to think the secret of contentment is not learning how to
“escape” from life but to enjoy it for what it is—not sorting out the conditions
just so, finding someway to stop the boat’s rocking, but learning to keep your
balance no matter how smooth or rough the seas. The trouble with the old me was that I hoped a boyfriend and marriage would save me from boredom and the
travails of a normal life. And since I secretly feared it might let me down in
that, I made sure to like men more wrong than right for me. Having my dream of
the perfect escape was preferable to having that dream come true and still be
stuck here in a life most banal.

What is it you think you need in life? What do you hope it will save
you from? Perhaps we fear our dreams’ fulfillment more than this longing
interminable because we sense the problem is not in our circumstances, but
restlessness.

Dreaming in the sense of what we want out of life - setting goals that look well beyond our reach but tickle our hearts desire. My little sis had an amazing God-filled weekend which has brought her to a place of understanding and passion for stepping out and dreaming BIG. She doesn't want to settle for mediocure or lukewarm but strive for the highest and see where it takes her. At 17 years old this is very admireable!

I never had that kind of thinking at her age - maybe because our parents weren't very encouraging that way, or knowing our family lifestyle and how financially unstable our childhood was. BUT at the same time I never expected much of myself at all. I think being tested in gr.6 for my "learning curve" (I always said they tested to see how dumb I was) has always stuck in the back of my mind, even with doing well in college I never gave myself very high goals. I reached my goals almost 2 years ago. College grad. Job. Been there, got that and the student loans that come with it.

So here I am again, contemplating my life and what I really want it. Am I happy with working for the next 40 some years? Is this my passion? Am I settling for what's comfortable yet not what I could be doing? I can't have more student loans and I probably won't qualify for any more loans, I can't handle having the student life again, I'm not smart enough for university. Do I actually have an inkling for a different career? Or I am just bored and restless?

I'm only 21, I shouldn't be hitting the quarterlife crisis yet...