Me:"..yah, it's been a busy week because...blah, blah, blah"
Person 1:"oh man, that's lots of change"
Me: "uh huh"
Why did I feel like no one cared about the craziness of my life in the past weeks?
"Because you are a selfish little brat just looking for attention."
Here I sat at my leadership meeting during prayer just thinking about all the things going on in MY life. I was here to pray about and come together to build God's/our church!
"I know no other master, I give myself to you..."
*Sigh* I'm sorry Father. Help me focus tonite.
Yet after the battle in my mind and a great meeting I still had to open my big yap and spill what's on my mind to the closest person.
WHY?
I don't need affirmation or to "brag" about how "busy" I am. Why do I need sympathy from those around me?
"Because people always come to you with their problems so why not get something in return? You're always there for everyone else, for once they can be there for you! You are always the strong one. The rock. The shoulder to cry on. The stable one. They can't handle you being personal and needy"
Would somebody please flick the internal battle out of my head? Ack. Why do I have to be so self fixing? (for a lack of a better term). Always digging for the root of the problem and coming up with a solution. I'm constantly searching myself for fleshy patterns and sometimes discovering them aren't so pleasant.
As I stepped out of my zippy little car after my short drive home it hit me. I'm being selfish. I want empathy from people yet what's going on in my life is not that big of deal in retrospect. Yes, lots of change and some challenges ahead but that's what builds character and creates excitment in life. I need to get over myself. I could try convincing myself otherwise but I can't.
It's true I am always the "pillow", never the head on the pillow. But maybe that's the way God wired me? To be the counsellor, not the person seeking counsel. Maybe that's why I'll never be skinny either - i gotta have enough squishy-ness on me so people can enjoy a good hug :P
So from here on out things ARE going to be interesting around here but that's life!
I'll just keep on truck'n and rememebering who IS always in control.
Yet after the battle in my mind and a great meeting I still had to open my big yap and spill what's on my mind to the closest person.
WHY?
I don't need affirmation or to "brag" about how "busy" I am. Why do I need sympathy from those around me?
"Because people always come to you with their problems so why not get something in return? You're always there for everyone else, for once they can be there for you! You are always the strong one. The rock. The shoulder to cry on. The stable one. They can't handle you being personal and needy"
Would somebody please flick the internal battle out of my head? Ack. Why do I have to be so self fixing? (for a lack of a better term). Always digging for the root of the problem and coming up with a solution. I'm constantly searching myself for fleshy patterns and sometimes discovering them aren't so pleasant.
As I stepped out of my zippy little car after my short drive home it hit me. I'm being selfish. I want empathy from people yet what's going on in my life is not that big of deal in retrospect. Yes, lots of change and some challenges ahead but that's what builds character and creates excitment in life. I need to get over myself. I could try convincing myself otherwise but I can't.
It's true I am always the "pillow", never the head on the pillow. But maybe that's the way God wired me? To be the counsellor, not the person seeking counsel. Maybe that's why I'll never be skinny either - i gotta have enough squishy-ness on me so people can enjoy a good hug :P
So from here on out things ARE going to be interesting around here but that's life!
I'll just keep on truck'n and rememebering who IS always in control.
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