Contemplations

This past summer has finally caught up to me.

Hard.

Being so incredibly busy, dealing with family issues, being in a wedding, moving my parents and going through some major spiritual growth has really been challenging for me. I was stressed to the max without really realizing it.

I cracked.

On Friday evening I had to travel to my parents old place to help them pack. No big deal, really, but as I drove out of the city limits my eyes welled up and a tear slipped down my cheek. One tear after another, they cascaded down my face and I sobbed. Gut wretching sobs. Continously for about half an hour I just cried, I forced myself to stop so I wouldn't be upset in front of my already emotionally spent mother. Then on Saturday after saying farewell to my parents and driving away from my childhood home I cried again, before I could even turn onto the gravel road from the driveway.

Memories.

Leaving my childhood home was harder than I realized. So many memories attached to that house, the back bush, hours spent outside underneath the huge maple trees, playing in the sandbox, biking up and down the lane, road hockey with dad, sledding down the barn hill, picking beans, shoveling the carport, running for the bus, mowing the lawn, Sunday afternoons lying around the living room reading, curling up on the sun patches on the carpet, 21 Christmas eve's, holiday dinners, babysitting neighbourhood kids, shooting hoops, building forts in the basement, sitting in front of the woodstove, inhaling the smell of the country side, getting the mail, buying eggs from the house across the road, canning peaches and strawberries, family reunions on my birthday, tinkering on the piano, cranking the tunes, chores every Saturday, breaking my arm doing dishes, bonfires, the teeter totter, sitting on the front steps.... I'm going to miss that place more than I want to admit.

A new season.

God has take me and molded me even more in the past 6 months than I could have ever thought. I needed it. It changed be and I have begin to let go of so many things. I want to be continously challenged because I don't want to stay the same - I want to be who God wants me to be. I'm ready.

My prayer.

Take me as I am now, I am me, loved, accepted and saved by the grace of God. My life is yours Jesus, forever.

AMEN.