Contemplations

funk 1

n.
1. a. A state of cowardly fright; a panic.
b. A state of severe depression.
2. A cowardly, fearful person.

I'm not sure how much I agree to the definition of funk or at least my version of what being in a "funk" means.

I'm not severly depressed but I am to some extent:
-I'm snacking too much
-I crave sleep even though I'm getting more now than I have all summer
-I'm not exactly cheerful
-I've been really lazy in the last while
-I want to cry randomly

But I am in some sort of funk and I don't know why or even how to get out of it. I try to pray but I feel empty. In the past two weekends I have been inandated with so much soul food yet I have no desire to think about, process it and grow from it. I just want to stay at home, curled up in bed reading a book.

What is wrong with me? Why am I possibly depressed? Can I blame the weather? Am I just finally releasing stress that's been pent up all summer? Am I grieving about this Friday marks the three years since Aunt Rita died? (cripes, I just started tearing up).

I was told a couple weeks ago that I have potiental to grow up and become a "spiritual mom" but right now I feel like a fraud. I barely pray, or do devos. I hardly give God a second thought lately and it makes me feel guilty.

I know I need to get out of this state of whatever but I don't know how to start. Actually I know I need to pray about it but I have no desire but yet I need to.

I seem to be stuck in a cycle and I'm not happy. I'm not happy with myself internally or externally.

I need to break out,
the darkness is thickening.
My heart is heavy
and my eyes misting.
A burden sits on me,
smoothering my soul.
I cry,
weeping into the pillow.

Dear God,
What is wrong with me?

I yearn to break this cycle but patience aludes me.
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During church on Sunday I heard/thought came to mind:

"Just rest and the rest will come"

Could it be that simple?